First let me say, thank you for reading my blog even though I’m not one of those popular bloggers that you have crossed on the Internet. I definitely don’t have a glam squad, model friends, and A-list of sponsors. Let’s say I’m just that next level basic bitch that you want to have cocktails drinks on Wednesday night, the girlfriend you want to call for advice when your boo dump you over text, the friend that your mum said you should be hanging out more, and the older sister you can ask anything about legal, tech and money matters. In case you’re wondering how I validate my advice well I’m not an authority on life what-so-fucking-ever but I’m smart, opinionated, and outspoken. I know I will not ever be featured on Oprah or Ted Talk, but I do know a few things like let’s be real in relationship advice, and how to have unbothered posts on Instagram.
Many of my gorgeous friends have been dumped by their boyfriend who doesn’t deserve them in the first place. This article is not for witty grown-up ass women “who know it all”. Please skip reading if you think you have better advice than me. This article is for my dear girlfriends who need honest advice on how to get her man and how to know if he’s the one. It’s for the ladies who need to channel their inner Khaleesis and let their authority lead the relationship.
Before I guide you on how to “fix yourself” first you need to understand why he hasn’t called you back and why he hasn’t proposed yet.
Darling, if a man doesn’t call you it’s because he doesn’t want to call you. He didn’t forget it and he isn’t too busy for it. He doesn’t want to call. If he doesn’t invite you to go outside it’s because he doesn’t want to see you. If he doesn’t want you to be around his friends, it simply because he is not sure about you yet to be around his mates.
When a man says “I’m not ready but you’re the love of my life and only one I want, but it’s not the right time”. It’s simple because he doesn’t want you, he doesn’t want you to carry his surname and he doesn’t want you to be the mother of his children. It takes some time for a man to decide if you are the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
So, what to do?
Don’t keep playing his confusing games, don’t wait until there’s a miracle for him to change his mind about you, and don’t justify him.
When a man wants to be with a woman, he stays with her without excuses, complications, and lies.
Instead to fix your relationship go fix yourself, stop being so genuine and caring that you think he needs you to be. Stop justifying his every excuse and every complication and put yourself first.
The point here when you are so focused on chasing your man to validate your feelings you will end up losing yourself.
Okay, I got it Kath now what? How to fix myself?
Hold my rosé chardonnay glass.
Before you take massive selfies and choose the best three for your profile photos on the Bumble app, you need to heal yourself first. What do I mean by healing? Don’t isolate yourself every time, dress up, and go out with any of your girlfriends available for drinks. Don’t wait for any closure, answers, or assurance. If he is not responsive, block his number and unfriend him in all social media. Don’t play with your imaginary world that he will come back to be together. If a simple text back won’t happen, it is impossible for him to make an effort to see you.
Instead to buy massive junk foods to sabotage yourself because you can’t get over your breakup, you’re sad. Darling, sign-up for a gym membership and be your best self. A firm booty and boobs will give you a major power. Haha! 😉
Honestly, though I wish I had known it then what I know now and has formed my 3-pack abs at the gym for years. Unfortunately, strength doesn’t always come with wisdom. I didn’t know how to deal with a bad break up before.
The problem is I’ve been with him for many years and we had so many memories together.
Well, fuck that. If you really want to move on do yourself a favour go to your sweet memories folder on your laptop or mobile and press the delete button. If you had too many apologies and nothing really changed and you keep accepting him because of the memories or social image you don’t want your family to be disappointed on you well guess what, it will all just be an opportunity for him to feed you bullshit that part of you wants to hear. Stop willingly lie to yourself and wasting your time.
But how do I get my man?
If you honestly believe that it is worth taking him back then take a risk but if you can’t see any changes on how he treats you it’s time to find a replacement. Remember a relationship doesn’t have a lifetime warranty, if it is broken replace it.
You need to get real, raw, and be your best self before you find a new man.
- Before you spend your time swiping right and left on dating apps, first you need to hustle to earn your money bag, sis. You can’t expect a fancy dinner date if you can’t even afford it yourself. When you afford a lifestyle, a hot bae is just a bonus.
- Supposed you already have secured your money bag, good job. Now take care of yourself – workout, upgrade your education if it is your interest, travel (after COVID-19), and anything that will make you look good on the outside and also feels confident on the inside. If you’re beautiful, kind, confident, and nice who don’t want you, sis?
- Respect yourself means just because you want to look hot doesn’t mean you need to go too far in your posts on social media. Remember the goal is to look hot and to be attractive to your man not to be a trashy girl.
- Now when the above is achieved find your man in any platform that you can find him. It could be in a dating app, a circle of friends, events, or social media. The possibilities are endless so don’t isolate yourself just because you get hurt in the past. Find someone who you can connect with easily and a potential partner with the same interests and values.
Enjoying My Independence Because I Can.
I was preparing for my dinner to catch up with girlfriends. Styled and fashionable mask by Karina.
How do you know he is the one?
You might not be shocked to find out I am not a “good girl type” since high school. I’m not your typical “innocent raised in catholic girls’ school”. I mean, sure, I skip classes and I hung out at malls with my girlfriends, I also pretended I am good at PE class even though I hate outdoor activities during high school but I was always the class president and muse at the same time for consecutive 3 years and if anyone will attempt to bully me, either I challenge them in academics or they will deal with my girls gang outside the school. I know how to leverage my contacts so I was good and chill.
Many girls hated me at school for being the teachers’ favourite and the buddy of the class. I mean, I legit can’t help it. I was the quintessential hand raiser in class, I’m engaging and polite to everyone who is nice to me. But the only thing I never do is to steal anyone’s man. I’ve been a respectful, solid friend, and good hence I have no issue with any women so far.
Despite the attention I received growing up, I’m always loyal and faithful to someone I love. I don’t just date for the sake of dating because I am bored. I date because I really like the person and if I am into him, I will only have eyes for him. It was also not easy for me to find a partner because I’m highly opinionated and I’m not afraid to tell a grown professional man he is lame or asshole. I don’t hold back or self-censoring because I’m afraid I will be rejected. Through many fabulous independence years, I learned that he is the one if….
1) He will not ask you to change to meet his standards. He loves you just the way you are.
2) He will ask you to be around his family and friends because he is proud of you and he trusts you.
3) He doesn’t make promises he can’t keep.
4) He doesn’t give you bullshit compliments but also at the same time has eyes for other women. Watch out to secret players who pretend you are the only one.
Men have split personalities when they are with their girlfriend vs when they are with their male friends. When they are with their girlfriend they don’t talk about the number of one night stands they had because they want to reassure you are special. But when they are with their male friends, they will brag about the girls they dated, hook up with, or dumped simply because men behave differently when they are with other men. And if a man truly loves you, he won’t even brag about his past sexual experience with other women to his mates to give you the respect you deserve.
If a man truly loves you he won’t embarrass you to people, especially to your friends. No amount of your love is an excuse for you to let someone you love disrespect you.
5) He lets you live a happy and independent life. Any man who is controlling is insecure.
6) He will take every chance just to be with you no matter what it takes.
7) He doesn’t entertain unproductive and unhealthy arguments. He is focused on resolutions and not drama.
8) He trusts you.
9) He expresses his love even at the most unexpected moments.
10) He respects and believes in the decisions you made without him.
Fall in love with someone who doesn’t let his ego come in between your relation, who stands by your side even when the whole world is against you, who not only respects you when you are around him but also respects you behind your back, and who trusts you enough and doesn’t restrict you from enjoying your personal life.
Channeling my inner Bond Girl because #007 is coming. 💋
If you would ask me about my relationship, I spend a lot of time in reflection goes into deciding to get married. My partner and I must have shared values, shared vision for the future, and shared perspectives of how we should raise our children. I don’t want to get married for the sake of marrying. I definitely don’t want to throw a big wedding to impress people I don’t like in the first place. I don’t need to justify my happiness in front of people who I don’t even know. I always believe that if you marry for the wrong reasons, you will end up divorcing your spouse for all the right reasons.
What I love about my relationship is that I am not pressured and we are able to manage our differences. People say, “opposite attracts” but I disagree because it is important that you have similar interests, values, cultures, or backgrounds to have a stronger bond. If you and your partner are two totally different people it will be a struggle in collocation. I always believe that when you constantly arguing in a relationship, disagree from time to time, and insult each other once you let that in, it opens the door for always happening. So, imagine if you are with the right partner, unnecessary arguments could be avoided.
What I love about my relationship is that I feel at peace even in an LDR situation. I am not worried about his daily agenda, not worried about his communication with other people, and definitely I trust his words and actions. I believe him. There’s no uncertainty about my man’s feelings for me because I know he loves me. He’s consistent with his affection, intention, and actions and leaves no doubt in my mind which is very important for an over-thinker like me. Haha.
He is also chill about everything. If I ask him to meet me overseas, he will be there with no excuses. If I ask him to send me selfie videos because I miss him, he will do it. He is not hesitated to do anything with me, no matter how odd or terrifying because he feels safe with me. And that’s a compliment because it means I am not crazy for someone to be willing to take a risk everything for me because there is a trust. And because of his actions, I just know it he is the one.
Thank you for reading and thanks to my darling friend Karina for the glam up. xo